I’m totally scared of this happening to me

Living in New York, you live with a couple of daily fears, like that one of these days you actually will die in that freaking crazy taxi or your boyfriend will get hit by that freaking crazy taxi while biking to work. Some would say they’re irrational, I say they are totally plausible because many of them have happened before. A list of my main fears:

1. I am going to step on a metal plate on the sidewalk and it will electrocute me to death. See also: I will step on a subway grate and it will give way and I will plunge to my death.

2. I am going to get mugged in broad daylight and no one will care. (This actually happened to me once in San Francisco. Fucking Mission.)

3. My apartment is going to catch on fire. What do you know, this has happened to me too. We survived, thanks to the handy dandy rusty fire escape near the bed.

4. Someone is going to break into my apartment and rob me while I am sleeping. Hopefully they will decide to just take the material things and not torture me. Well guess what, this happened to me too! Thanks to the handy dandy rusty fire escape that crack heads climb up in order to rob poor people. (They took a pair of cheap shoes and my passport. I wish I could explain the taking of the white pumps, but I just can’t.)

5. Annnnd, my biggest fear of all: SOME RANDOM FREAK IS GOING TO PUSH ME IN FRONT OF A MOVING TRAIN, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE CRAZY. Seriously guys, I spend most of my time on subway platforms feeling generally uneasy and looking warily at anyone who gets too close to me. I cling to nasty pillars just in case, and never, ever look over the edge to see if the train’s coming round the bend. (Do you have a death wish, people?) The minute my feet touch the yellow bumps for the blind people it means I’m too close and I back the fuck away. Is this rational? No, but you never know, I seem to have had a string of bad luck when it comes to annoying crap happening to me and would not actually be surprised if someone found my look disagreeable and decided to shove me in front of a train. And then what do I read in the news a few days ago? That this actually happened to a poor old lady in LA and she died. Ugh. Come on, world.

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-elderly-train-killing,0,1159359.story