Please do not buy me this

This morning I went to the website Etsy.com, where people sell their handmade crafts and wares. I’d actually never been to it before, and wanted to see if there was anything cute for Christmas presents. On the home page, they were advertising this thing. I did a double take when I saw it goes for $22. And then I read the description:

“These fuzzy funky critters make great office pets.” Wha??? Who??? I have worked in several offices and nobody ever had a cherry red faux guinea pig on their desk, and if they did, we certainly wouldn’t refer to it as the “office pet.” In fact we would probably not invite the owner of the faux guinea pig to lunch because he or she is most certainly weird. People who bring stuffed animals into the office need a reality check. It’s creepy, like that girl in middle school who still openly sucked her thumb.